Bonding with your child or children is of vital importance for their overall health – physical, emotional and psychological. Being a parent, understanding the importance of bonding and the methods in which you can bond with your children will help you and your child forge a great relationship. So what is this bonding all about?

Bonding is all about unconditional love for your child. When you bond with your child, you have to develop a mutual emotional connection between the two of you. The way you treat and behave with your child should give him/her a sense of security and comfort and help to establish a sense of closeness between the two of you. You have to help your child to develop his/her self-worth and self-esteem. When real bonding occurs your child begins to feel a sense of belonging to the family.

Bond, but do not over bond

While bonding with your child is of prime importance, it is equally important that you do not carry it to the extreme and over bond with your child. Over bonding can lead to a load of problems, both for you and your child. When you bond too much you feel overly responsible for your child. You may begin to feel a sense of guilt for not providing enough for your child. Or you may spoil your child with lavish gifts. Over bonding may cause your child to become too dependent on you. This over dependence can make your child incapable of developing a sense of individual personality. In this kind of parent-child relationship, the child is neither encouraged nor allowed to accept personal responsibility for his/her personal actions.

Signs of healthy bonding

There are ways in which you can know whether you and your child share a great relationship. Some of the signs of healthy bonding are:

• You have genuine interest in your child and his/her activities.
• You hold and touch your child tenderly and affectionately.
• Your child develops the confidence to take independent decisions.
• Your child feels secure and comfortable.
• Your child has a great sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Levels of bonding

Your response to the needs of your child is an indicator to the level of bonding that you share with your child. Acknowledging your child’s problems and helping him/her cope with it is a sign of normal, healthy bonding. Showing extreme concern, being over protective, feeling guilty and building too much of dependence are all signs of over bonding. If you hardly bother about what your child does or if your child is quiet and withdrawn it can mean there is a lack of bonding between the two of you.

Building a healthy bond

The following are some of the methods that you can employ to build a natural, healthy bond with your child:

• Talk to your child as much as possible. Make sure there is plenty of communication between you. Speak to your child in a loving and caring manner.
• When you talk to your child, get down to the child’s level to make eye contact.
• Touch and hold your child lovingly and tenderly.

• Do not expect too much from your child. This may frustrate you both. Appreciate the things that your child does best. Give plenty of encouragement to the things that your child is hesitant or reluctant to do.
• Do not expect your child to behave like an adult. Children will be children—forgive them and teach them the right way to do things.
• Spend quality time with your child. Play games that your child is interested in at his/her level of ability and understanding.
• Listen to your child’s problems. It may seem trivial to you, but not for the child. Offer sympathy and support.
• Encourage your child to build a circle of friends.
• When dealing with problems in the family, be honest to your child. Let him or her be in the know of things. This will help them cope better during domestic disturbances.
• Provide support and confidence to your child when he/she faces the ruthless realities of life and becomes scared and concerned about the future.

Allow your child to be his/her own person. Do not force your views on your child. Encourage independent thinking.

Finally

Healthy bonding forms the basis of any mother–child relationship. If you are a working mother you may find it difficult to stay at home and care for your children. But as a parent it is your responsibility to find someone with whom your child can bond with in your absence. It can be a child day care facility or a close relative. Whomsoever you choose, it is imperative that your child forms a strong bond. This will give your child a firm foundation on which to base his/her life. After all, children are our most precious possessions. They are the future.